R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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