And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was confusing and full of hummus
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
