She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
