u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
