So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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