margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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