I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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