I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
