I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
