It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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