my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
