none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
