You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
