if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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