There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
