I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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