every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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