office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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