NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize