Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
