i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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