i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
