I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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