i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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