The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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