community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
