Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
