i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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