as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
