Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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