Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All the doctor said was why
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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