He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
