its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
