I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
