p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
