Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
