as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
