I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
