Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
