Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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