I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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