I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
