it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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