the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
