It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
