I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
