I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
