If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
now i know why i became what i already was.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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