Sry I called you an 8
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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