i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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