drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
