He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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