respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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