They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
