It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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