I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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