I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did not marry a roomba.
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