I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What a dumb baby whore.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
