If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
