You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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