There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
