then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
