That's intense
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
