One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hippo gnu deer
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had sex on a roof
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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